Thursday, December 30, 2010

Story update chapter 5

"i still love you"
she hears him mutter under his breath...

When did this get so hard...when did he change......when did she?
she oh so desperately love him.
where is it all now?
her brain is filled with so much clutter. grey matter.

Rosemary's confused.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Concentration

SHE SITS. BLADE IN HAND.
STOLEN FROM THE GROCERY STORE.
SLICK. CLEAN. UNUSED BLADE.
BEAUTIFUL. TASK AT HAND.
SHE PULLS BACK THE SLEEVES.
TURNS ON THE WATER. WARM.

THE LOUD DROPS OF WATER. SO MENACING.
DO IT SHE THINKS.... TOO MUCH NOISE
NOTHINGS EASY, OR QUIET SHE THINKS.
NOT EVEN THE FOCET CAN BE SILENT.
SHE WANTS THE NOISE TO STOP.
END IT ALL.

SHHH... SHHH... SHHH...
THE BLADE HELD CLOSE TO SKIN.
SHE PUSHES DOWN. THE BLADE.
POP IT GOES UNDER THE SKIN.
RED. RED. RED. THE CUT, SO SIMPLE.
SO QUIET... SHE THINKS.

FINALLY SOMETHING QUIET. QUICK.
EASY. SIMPLE. SHE CAN BREATH.
ALIVE. SHE CRIES OUT LOUD.
NOT SAD. NOT HAPPY. ALIVE.
THATS ALL SHE WANTED... THAT'S ALL.
SUBMERGED GOES THE DELICATE WRISTS.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Chapter Four. (take me insane)

Blindfold off... She undressed him. Sits him on the seat and turns on the shower. It's warm on his naked flesh.

She turns his head to face the sink...next to of which she begins undressing... Her skin so soft... Complexion so pale and delicate. She smiles at him and walks towards the shower... Steps inside and begins to touch him.

Arousal.she sits on his lap, and kisses his lips. He can't help but stare at her beautiful breasts and sholders. He wants her. His dick can't hide what his mind tries to desperately tuck away...

She faces him still, as her hips start moving faster... Grabbing his neck. She chokes him. HARD. Then as she starts to come, she let's out a long hard moan...she kisses him. Her whole body convulsing and shivering, wetness all over his still hard cock. She's finished. She stands up and begins soaping off, teasing him with every delicate soft movement... She rinses. Leaving him there wet, hard, and ashamed.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

our forrest

Our forest so cold,
our lives so in tune...

the sounds of the branches. snap. click. rustle.
the dark beautiful leaves drape down the vines. intertwined. intertwined.
im suffocating now, and so are you.
drowning in the earth, the smell of the wet ground all around us...
i want to suffocate, gone. gone.
underneath our tree. together. dead, but more alive than ever.

Thank you forrest. Thank you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

TOGETHER.

WITH EACH SLOW STEADY CLICK OF THE PENDULUM,
WE VENTURE FURTHER TOGETHER, INTO OUR OWN LITTLE WORLD.
TIME WE SAY, IS NOT ENDLESS.

BUT FOR YOU I FEEL IT COULD BE...

THERE IS NO NOW, THEN, TODAY, OR TOMORROW.
ONLY AN ENDLESS VORTEX OF EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS...

CONNECTING PIECE BY PIECE...
EACH ONE FITTING EFFORTLESSLY WITH THE NEXT.

COME TO ME, BE WITH ME.
RUN TOGETHER. OUR FORREST.
FOR TIME IS FOR THEM...AND THIS IS FOR US.
HERE'S OUR TIME SWITCH.


<3

-JUSTINE MARIE

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Chapter four....

*recap* (Rosemary just got home, and knocks out her husband)

-----------------------------------

ROSEMARY PICKS UP HIS RIGHT HAND,
AND KISSES HIS BULKY FINGERS...
SHE PICKS UP THE SYRINGE AND THEN INJECTS HIM WITH A POWERFUL
SLEEPING CONCOCTION SHE MADE HERSELF, TO MAKE SURE HE WAS OUT FOR THIS.

ONE BY ONE SHE BEGINS PULLING OFF THE NAILS OF HER HEAVILY SLEEPING HUSBAND...
FIRST THE INDEX, THEN THE MIDDLE..SHE LISTENS TO THE POP AND CRACK OF THE SKIN AS
IT SEPARATES CUTICLE, SKIN AND THE FIBERS OF THE NAIL. THE BLOOD BEGINS TO SEEP OUT OF THE NEWLY BARE FINGERTIPS AS HIS BODY TRIES TO COMPUTE WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED.
THEN THE RING FINGER. PINKY. THE THUMB.

SHE WRAPS THE BLOODY HAND IN A BROWN TOWEL AND THEN RAISES IT TO THE SINK. SHE
THEN TIES THE TOWEL TO HIS HAND AND OPENS UP THE BOTTLE OF RUBBING ALCOHOL. SHE
POORS IT OVER THE ENTIRE TOWEL, COMPLETELY DRENCHING IT, SETS HIS RIGHT HAND BACK ON HIS LIFELESS LIMP LAP, AND SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HER.


----------------

Thursday, December 16, 2010

REPETITION.

SLIP INTO A SILENT SLEEP...
ENTER A QUIET UNIVERSE ALONE...
WHERE YOU DREAM OF REGRETS REVOKED...
LOVERS REUNITED...
PAIN REVERSED...
FAMILY COMING TOGETHER...

TOSSING AND TURNING,
SCREAMING OUT LOUD.
WAKING UP IN A COLD SWEAT.
NO MORE. NO MORE. NO MORE NIGHTMARES...

AS YOU STARE INTO THE EYES OF YOUR NURSE...
IF YOU CAN ONLY UNDO THE STRAPS,
PULL THE ARMS BACK AROUND,
OPEN THE COLD METAL DOOR,
AND LEAVE WITHOUT THE INEVITABLE.........

A PAINFUL PRICK OF THE NEEDLE,
THE MUFFLED VOICES ABOVE YOU AS YOU FALL TO THE GROUND.
WAKE UP AGAIN IN YOUR BED,
PADDED AROUND ALL FOUR CORNERS...
YOU SIT. THROW UP.

TIME FOR YOUR MEDS...

I wish...

I have SO much I want to write down today and record...SOOOOO many ideas I need to put to better use.
Damn work today... so many words flowing through my head, and down to my fingertips...my hands are uneasy wanting to move as fast as they can...
ugh.


work.




---------------




Ill get some done tonight.


For now its back to work...


What can you do when shes dressed in black?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

NO MORE SANE

WITH HIS MIND FULL OF SO MUCH HATE,
HE GRABS THE SHARPEST KNIFE FROM THE KITCHEN DRAWER,
WALKING TO THE ROOM. SHE REMAINED.
CRAZY PASSION. A LOVE NO MORE.

HE STABS HER. STABS HER...SO COLD.
SHE CANT FIGHT BACK NOW. SO NUMB.
SHES WISHING TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY.

HE HATES WHAT HAS BEEN DONE.
THAT HE MUST CALL THE SHOTS.
HER COLD LIFELESS BODY. NAKED ON THE FLOOR.
HER HALF-HEARTED LOVER, TREMBLING LIKE A BABY.

HE WALKS TO THE SHAKING CONCUBINE.
THE MAN BEGS 'PLEASE?!'
UP GOES HIS KNIFE. SINKING IS THE BLADE.
NO MORE PAIN. NO MORE SANE.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Huh....

MAGICAL.....




<3

Painful Realizations...

OLD POEM
-------------------


SHE SITS WITH NO THOUGHTS,
SHE DROWNS IN THE FEELINGS,
SHE SLIPS INTO ANOTHER WORLD...
NO TURNING BACK NOW.

IT STARTS OUT SLOW, SWEET AND TRUE...
THEN QUICKLY ESCALATES INTO SOMETHING NEW...
SHE CANT SAY NO, SHE CANT TELL WHY.
HER THOUGHTS COME BACK TO HER.
SHE PANICS...NOW WHAT?

ITS TOO LATE NOW, THE DAMAGE IS DONE.
AS SHE LAYS THERE SHE CRIES...
WHAT FEELS OH SO GOOD, IS HER DEMISE.
ANOTHER VICTIM IS MADE, SHE THINKS...
THE LIES SHE KEEPS INSIDE.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Time is Key...

I'm nervous to begin this upcoming project...
Its a toughy because this project isn't about the art of it...
its about the time and effort put into it.
Time isn't endless for me right now, but I want to make sure i put as much time as i can into it...It has to be done right.

Im so detail oriented so itll be a challenge for me with something like this.

<3

FLESH...

SHE CHEWS AT HIS DECAYING BODY,
PICKING AT ALL THE MAGGOTS,
SUCKING AT THE ROTTED MEAT...

SHE CRIES NO MORE, SUFFERS NO MORE, BUT IS PAINED AT THE SIGHT...

THE BONES CRACK AND CRUMBLE IN HER FAST MOVING HANDS,
THE MARROW BEGINS TO MUSH...
THE STENCH OF HIS SKIN, IS ALMOST TOO MUCH.

BUT STILL SHE EATS, CONSUMING AS MUCH AS SHE CAN.
LOOKING AT HER LOVE, SHE LOOKS TO HIS EMPTY FACE...
COLD BLOOD AND NOTHINGNESS IS ALL THATS LEFT...

THEN SHE STOPS....FADES.
COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED.
ONLY HER SCREAMING SUBCONCIOUS IS LEFT,
TO BEG HER SHELL OF A BODY TO STOP.

IT WONT, THE ZOMBIE NEEDS FLESH.
SHES STUCK INSIDE. TOMB.
FOREVER TO WATCH THE HORROR SHOW
THROUGH HER OWN EMPTY EYES...

Memory comes, what memory is sold....



------------------------



This song since the first time I've heard it, has become a piece of me....



But all of their songs touch me:









The videos are amazing too....

Friday, December 10, 2010

Inspiration.

I'm inspired, inspired like I've never been before.

The darkness is surrounding me, and Im loving it...
Im embrassing this new feeling.
New experience.

Totally sucking every creative morsel of juice out of it.

My creativity is bountiful, and I'm ready to share it with those that will appreciate it.

I dont want to crawl no more....

Moan....

POEM: 'PANDEMONIUM ENVISAGE'

MY BRAIN IS RUNNING A BILLION MILES A MINUTE...AND NOT A SECOND OF MY TIME IS SPENT ON MY EYES CLOSING... :/ BITTERSWEET PERFECTION <3



PANDEMONIUM ENVISAGE



PULLING MY EYELIDS BACK LIKE SHUTTERS...

I'M LOOKING TO MY FUTURE, NO SLEEP CAN COME.

I DREAM OF A DIFFERENT PLACE, A DIFFERENT PATH.

I KICK AND SCREAM, AS I'M DRAGGED TO A NEW DIMENSION...

A DREAMLAND WITH NO TOMORROW, NO BEGINNING OR END.

A PLACE WHERE I CIRCLE THROUGH THE LABYRINTH...



I SCREAM BUT NOTHING IS HEARD,

I PRAY BUT NOTHING IS FORGIVEN,

I MOAN, AND SATISFACTION DOES NOT COME,

I CRY AND NO COMFORT IS GIVEN...



HELL IS BUT A LAYER OF CRACKED EARTH AWAY FROM ME NOW...

THE NOISE, THE FURY OF THE UNKNOWN...

FINISH ME NOW OH SLEEPLESS NIGHT, TAKE MY PASSION AWAY.

LET SLUMBER COME,

OH PLEASE I BEG OF YOU MY DEVIL...

LET EVERYTHING STOP, IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT.



MY MIND IS A BILLION TUNNELS, WITH NO RETURN TO REALITY.

THE LABYRINTH TWISTS AND TURNS AS MY HAND STRUGGLES TO RECORD IT ALL.

IF I COULD ONLY MEET ONE ESCAPE...AND DISCOVER A QUIET MOMENT.

DREAM A DREAM, NOT ALONE...BUT FOR NOW, I'M HERE.

MEET ME IN THIS NOISY WORLD.





---------------------------------



<3









Thursday, December 9, 2010

Duran duran....dreamland?

Last nights dream put me in a weird funk all day... not a bad funk, but a surprisingly happy funk...

--------------------------

It started with me walking down a cold windy street, very "hilly" with lots of curves.
I looked up at this building and saw a silhouette of a man, a man who made my blood turn cold and hot at the same time...
I knew I had to get to him...I HAD to see what he looked like, i had to be at peace with him, next to him i wanted to sit...
So i began to try and scale the side of this building, making my way brick by brick... But alas i couldn't do it...I worked and worked and my hands became numb and raw...the rigid edges of the brick began to cut up my small delicate fingers, my palms and fingertips a bloody mess... It started to hurt but I had to see him...I needed him.
The whole time I tried he sat, looking down at me...almost hopeful that Id make it to him...

*the Chauffeur play in the background* and I began to cry uncontrollably...my eyes so raw and red, and a thick black bloody tear stream leak from my ducts.

I kept trying to control this dream, to make it happen for the dream me...the lovely silhouette man just sit...I called out to him and the only thing he did was put his long fingered hand against that odd window glass....

I faded into a painful nothingness...missing him without ever truly knowing him.


----------------

Upcoming Photoshoot





I'm going to be Bowie- every era of Bowie...I'm putting myself in his shoes and walking a few steps towards the camera.
Ive founds 4 or 5 photographers who are going to help...
I'm excited to start this project.... :D

Pick the scabs...

I remember a time when I would dwell so much, on the tiniest little thing.
If a boy ditched me, a friend said something mean or hurt my feelings. A fight with
a spouse... When someone forgot to call me back.
All these stupid things that now I find ultimately, RIDICULOUS, I spent so much time on...asking questions and trying to solve the mystery as to WHY it happened.

I wasted so much time on petty people and ideas...
When I have a friend tell me they're upset for one of these reasons, I have to say something I ask myself anytime I feel one of those ideas coming on..."Who CARES? ...Is it going to change your life a year down the line to have something like this happen?? NO. "


GET OVER IT.
----------------

I did. :D

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Closer.

You get me closer to God
You can have my isolation; you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith; you can have my everything

Help me tear down my reason
Help me; it's your sex I can smell
Help me; you make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

--------------------------------




I find myself with so many impure thoughts today... my mind has become a cocoon for destructive sexual images.... BUT, the ideas are POURING from my fingertips onto paper...









....

Finished Chapter 2

End of Chapter two
--------------------
RECAP:
(Rosemary is sitting in the waiting room of the doctors office for a checkup as her husband lay tied to the toilet at home with one hand missing all the nails...she is thinking of months earlier as the clock ticks closer to her appointment time)


*flashback*.....
...He helped her up the windy staircase to their front door. She struggles to get up that last step due to the horrible pain and broken bones in her right leg. Then, he lets go of her arm, and she begins to lose her balance and starts to fall. She only goes down two steps, but they both knew that was enough...she lay on that 10th. step crying and motionless as they begin to watch the dark blood that has gently started to seep through her thin white summer dress, and down her battered leg. "You stupid COW, you killed our baby!!!"

......
"Rosemary" *faint voice*
"Rosemary...Dr. Andrews will see you now..."

..... What?!














Why is it that the idiots of my generation seem to think Lady GAGA is innovative....its been done people PLENTY OF TIMES. Goldfrapp, Fischerspooner, Bjork.... ask them how its done.

Friendship.

Its getting harder and harder for me to want to hang out with people when I feel they might negatively impact me later on down the road.
I must have learned my lesson finally after the last few times of being let down or taken advantage of...

I make plans now because I feel obligated.
I mean I enjoy my friends, they're fun.
Maybe I've just grown out of them... I'm supposed to help a friend make some props tonight for an upcoming event, and I'm excited to go see him and catch up, and build some stuff...but I feel like its a waste of my time, even if it isn't.
*Palm to Forehead*

I'm probably going to go pick up my cat Sagira on Saturday from Brendan's house and finally bring her home. It's been too long without her, and I'm excited to have her back around. She'll keep me warm at night. <3 It's so awkward going over to Brendan's and seeing him, Not for any intimate reason, but more for the fact that we both look at each other in a way that says we both have no idea how we were together in the first place. There is nothing about me that he understood, and there's nothing about him that interested me. I think we were just AWESOME friends, and settling seems to be something most people are doing nowadays anyway. Ha.
Now that we've stopped being friends we've both become so much more ourselves. (Free if you will...)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Coma...

Poem:

The sensual stigmata,
passionate and true,
connections are endless,
we had not a clue.
My pain is my keeper,
as i push into you,
rushing back and fro,
a painful love so true.

CTRL- ALT- DELETE

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU START SOMETHING, AND YOU'RE COMPLETELY ENGULFED IN IT?
YOU SIT THERE AND POUND IT OUT UNTIL YOU CANT SIT THERE ANYMORE...
HOW YOUR WRISTS BURN AND EYES STING, YOUR LEGS ARE NUMB AND BACK SO SORE FROM LEANING INTO THE TASK AT HAND?

-THAT'S WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW, POUNDING AWAY AT THIS GRAPHED PAPER BOUND BY A LEATHER COVER...FILLING IT WITH USELESS IDEAS AND THOUGHTS...THINGS THAT WONT PROBABLY GO ANYWHERE, IDEAS ILL NEVER EVER LOOK AT AGAIN, AND THINGS THAT WILL NEVER BE REPEATED IN MY LIFE.


NOT USING A COMPUTER TO RECORD ALL OF THESE THINGS IS INSANE FOR ME, I BARELY USE BOOKS ANYMORE, AND SITTING HERE WITH PEN IN HAND, I REALIZE THAT'S A HUGE MISTAKE...
WRITING THIS STUFF OUT IS WORKING SO MUCH BETTER, MY IDEAS LOOK GRITTY, AND RAW...AND BEAUTIFUL. THE TIMES NEW ROMAN TEXTBOOK SPELL CHECK IDEAS ARE NO MORE... AND I COULDN'T BE MORE SATISFIED WITH THAT DISCOVERY.


*BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD*

---------------------------------

CLIP FROM MY STORY:

*Mocking his pleads she says*
"Whats wrong I thought you LOVED when I called you daddy... no, please no! 'CALL ME DADDY' Please daddy stop! It hurts, im bleeding, oh GOD I'm bleeding..."

"That's what gets you off right?..."

She stands right above him, and looks down...a small smirk on her face as she touches his tear soaked cheek. She grabs his right hand, and slowly licks his rough strong index finger...she drops it down, then gently guides it up her leg and and slides it under her skirt. As his finger slides ever so gently into her pussy she says to him...

"Looks like now we've found what gets me off..."

(END OF CHAPTER ONE!!!!!)

Humming

This video is my favorite Portishead video...I don't even think it was made by them...but I love the small details, and how delicate the woman is...

I like her back when she turns to her door, leading the man inside. I also love how her mouth moves as she sings, as if there's a TWINGE of pain underneath there that shes trying to not show anyone.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Horrible.

This is the LAST POST FOR TODAY.... I cant believe I'm saying this, but something about this video is beautiful, something about it pulls at me.

This woman reminds me of what my character Rosemary MIGHT have been like...before she SNAPPED. Whoever came up with this concept for this campaign...KUDOS! (Its amazing.)




Poem:

Jealousy:


The inevitable meet,
the sharp PAIN of regret,
the frantic views with angry eyes///

you cant escape the remorse, remorse of things unsaid,
no longer do you love...no longer do they,
a feeling that's gone from one to another,

cant help the feeling,cant help but compare...
no longer do you want it,
but pained you will be when its back.

Massive Attack - Angel

What NERVE!

I sometimes wonder where people get the nerve....
I mean I'm a straightforward person, I tell it like it is...why cant others?
I'm probably a VERY shy person, but when I feel I need to say something or do something...I DO IT.

I've been trying hard to get my things back from my Ex-friend Roxanne...but no response... I've emailed over and over and over. (VERY calmly I might add) Still I get nothing. Then random-like I'll get another promotion for the holidays, or "10% off all eyebrow shaping this week"
-Now, after I've threatened with getting the POLICE involved, she STILL sends them.
I don't like going off on long tangents of stupid unimportant shit, but...her sending me a promotion after two emails today has really put me in a funk. Where does she get the NERVE to use my laptop to send out her promotion to her customers, and not do so much as acknowledge my emails? I wonder if I can sue her for a cut of the money she makes because of the emails she sends to clients using my computer?


Enough about that. *shakes it off*

---------------------------


Random line from my short: (I've finally decided on her name!!!)
----------
"She decides to tie his feet to the base of the toilet...so if he manages to gain strength he wont have the opportunity to run away. She Struggles with the chord to get the knot correct, but manages to make one tight enough to ensure proper extraction.

Walking quietly to the back bedroom, she picks up her tools and lets out a huge sigh...

"Okay Rosemary, are you ready for this?"

Clasping her protractor, ice pic and hammers tightly...she realizes she's forgotten her camera.

"Oops! Cant forget that...I need to be able to re-live this moment...over and OVER"

Now FINALLY, Rosemary is ready to get started.

--------------------------------

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Forbidden Realization.

I've FINALLY come to the realization that I've been missing out...

Been missing out on the ideas, stories, LIFE...that I should have been living.
I think it all started when I got my inspiration back in my writing and creating.
I was so preoccupied with the drama, and the LAME things that were going on in my
sick and twisted little world. I let these people get to me...these horrible people who
wanted nothing more than to laugh at/judge others for their mistakes.

I mean, of course it hurt me to know I had lost such a big chunk in my life,
to know that the people I surrounded myself with were gone.
THEN, I realized...they weren't my friends, I was doing what I though I should do and
hanging out with people because they were there...and they had a couple things about
them that I enjoyed seeing/talking about.

Now, things look different...I feel FREE. I feel like I can finally say all the weird shit I've locked away in my head, I can record it on paper once more, and truly do something I enjoy doing.



My inspiration is back, the people I aspire to know more about are in my life, and I couldn't be more excited about that idea.




Im going to use this to post bits and pieces of my work...and things I find interesting. call it my "notepad" if you will.
(:7

"People ask me how I get my ideas. I tell them I have the heart of a little boy... in a jar above my desk."
-Stephen King